Worst secret keeping mbti types: EXTP...

[Udog]

Heh, it was an INTJ that used a secret against me like no one else I've met. That was a long time ago.

My philosophy is, why should I expect someone to keep a secret that I myself can't keep? So the really damaging stuff I tell no one. I will tell mild secrets to people I trust, though. I can probably only have one, maybe 2 people in my life that I would be able to tell my deepest secrets to.

 

[Halla74]

It seems to me that if you tell a secret to an ESTP they bring it out to light in a flashy manner and if you confront them they make it look as if the secret is no big deal at all.

As for ENTPs they give you their word yet have to bring it up sometime in a conversation and when you confront them they then give you their word that those other people won't tell a soul.

They both also tend to be very curious about the secret you are keeping and will stop at nothing to find out.

They are pretty much the only two personality types I think have a problem with keeping a secret but some of the IXFPs may let other people's secrets out to their close friends quite easily although if you are telling them your secrets you are probably their 'close friends'.

An incurable scar of life had been put on me because of a problem I had with an ENTP for not being able to keep a secret. I never told a secret again since then.

Anyone else had a similar problem with secret keeping friends? Any other types find it hard to keep secrets?

I don't think this is type specific behavior. I think that the level of closeness/sincerity between the revealer/listener + the severity of the secret in question that is more of an issue than what type either party is. If one of my freinds comes to me for help, secrets or not, I do whatever I can to get them to a better place if they will meet me halfway or better in the effort...

 

[The_Liquid_Laser]

It seems to me that if you tell a secret to an ESTP they bring it out to light in a flashy manner and if you confront them they make it look as if the secret is no big deal at all.

As for ENTPs they give you their word yet have to bring it up sometime in a conversation and when you confront them they then give you their word that those other people won't tell a soul.

They both also tend to be very curious about the secret you are keeping and will stop at nothing to find out.

They are pretty much the only two personality types I think have a problem with keeping a secret but some of the IXFPs may let other people's secrets out to their close friends quite easily although if you are telling them your secrets you are probably their 'close friends'.

An incurable scar of life had been put on me because of a problem I had with an ENTP for not being able to keep a secret. I never told a secret again since then.

Anyone else had a similar problem with secret keeping friends? Any other types find it hard to keep secrets?

I believe what you are describing is more of a personality trait then a character trait. There are people of every type that spill secrets, and there are people of every type who don't. Personality simply affects the way the secret is spread. An ExxP might just go blab to everyone, while an IxxJ might discretely just tell one person (like an ExxP who they know will blab to everyone).

I personally do not tell other people's secrets, because I despise gossip. Not only is it hurtful, but I would rather be talking about other things.

 

[epp]

For this reason, I think E--Ps tend to share others' personal information more than E--Js do. I don't think it's on purpose, or with mal intent. The E--P privacy filter just isn't turned up as high as it is on other types.

This

I've done it several times like: "blah blah blah blah someone's secret bl--... OOPS!!!", as I've just forgotten it was supposed to be a secret! Now, I really do respect when people want something to be kept private (even if I wouldn't mind in a similar situation) as everyone has their reasons and has a right to it etc.. so as long as I remember, I'll keep my mouth shut. It's the remembering part that's difficult...

 

[tinkerbell]

I'm awful, even with my own secrets... Never let me speak to the media

 

[Oaky]

I don't think this is type specific behavior. I think that the level of closeness/sincerity between the revealer/listener + the severity of the secret in question that is more of an issue than what type either party is. If one of my freinds comes to me for help, secrets or not, I do whatever I can to get them to a better place if they will meet me halfway or better in the effort...

I believe what you are describing is more of a personality trait then a character trait. There are people of every type that spill secrets, and there are people of every type who don't. Personality simply affects the way the secret is spread. An ExxP might just go blab to everyone, while an IxxJ might discretely just tell one person (like an ExxP who they know will blab to everyone).

I personally do not tell other people's secrets, because I despise gossip. Not only is it hurtful, but I would rather be talking about other things.

You both have very similar ideas about this.
Although you may be right, the issue being pointed are the personality types most likely to spill secrets.
Character traits fall back to personality. If you had to choose between all personality types which one would you not tell a secret to? If I had the same levels of friendship to an EXTP and an ISTJ I'd more easily tell the ISTJ a secret.

 

[Kasper]

I have no interest in repeating anything someone has told me in confidence, hell, I have little interest repeating what someone has told me. I just don't. I don't talk about other people without reason, gossip is of no interest to me.

Don't make this about type, I know INTJs who cannot keep things that I've told them in confidence to themselves while not a word they've told me has ever been uttered to another person by my mouth.

 

[Oaky]

I have no interest in repeating anything someone has told me in confidence, hell, I have little interest repeating what someone has told me. I just don't. I don't talk about other people without reason, gossip is of no interest to me.

Don't make this about type, I know INTJs who cannot keep things that I've told them in confidence to themselves while not a word they've told me has ever been uttered to another person by my mouth.

Personal values and beliefs always overcomes any personality profiles that you may be in. Remove them, and we get a wider view of things. e.g. Personality types

 

[stellar renegade]

Usually, when people tell me a secret, it plays out in these ways.

1) I don't care. I forget about your secret a day later, it doesn't matter then because the people who tell me just wanted to let out some steam.

2) I don't consider your secret that scandalous. Which goes along with 1. No, I don't think telling me about your crush makes me so hot for backstabbing and gossip and secret spilling.

3) I tease them about it. The perfect punchline requires me talking about you're secret, I probably will end up doing it.

4) I refer to the secret teller as "my friend" when I tell the secrets themselves.

+1

I don't consider most secrets to be that big of a deal, even those that are considered scandalous by most people. What a waste of my time. Paperoceans also sums up how I feel here.

I'm guilty of 3) but only if it wasn't explicitly told to me that it was a secret. You have to specifically say that you don't want me to tell it; I'm probly not gonna just know because I wouldn't care if it were my own personal info. If you tell me it's a secret I'll probly be pretty good about keeping it under wraps, especially as I don't get the chance too often.

I do 4) as well. What can I say? Making witty and interesting dialogue is an uncontrollable compulsion. Plus, I'm a huge fan of everything being out in the open.

But E--Js don't like having their secrets broadcast to other people, whereas E--Ps (generally) don't care nearly as much as other types do. The E--Ps I know tend to broadcast all sorts of crazy 'inside' information about themselves all the time.

For this reason, I think E--Ps tend to share others' personal information more than E--Js do. I don't think it's on purpose, or with mal intent. The E--P privacy filter just isn't turned up as high as it is on other types.

If it happens, it just happens, and I only notice afterwards that the person was uncomfortable with me talking about it.

Also, I don't usually care about anyone knowing anything about me. There are only a select few really strange things I wouldn't want anyone to know, most of which I can't even recall. Sometimes it's just about audience, too.

Introverts tend to gossip more on a personal level (e.g., the phone chain). The introversion really helps them internalize the information and keep a tighter rein on it. I have extroverted friends who seem to be asking questions like, "Oh, gee, did I just say that out loud?" When you operate externally (and that's where you "live" so to speak), the processing and dialogue all happens on that external level; introverts tend to bring everything inside of them or just into very personal 1-on-1 settings before pushing the information all around.

+1

So true. Conversation and dialogue aren't only the way I process things, they are my thought processes.

I don't think this is type specific behavior. I think that the level of closeness/sincerity between the revealer/listener + the severity of the secret in question that is more of an issue than what type either party is. If one of my freinds comes to me for help, secrets or not, I do whatever I can to get them to a better place if they will meet me halfway or better in the effort...

There you go. I'm actually pretty good at directing the flow of a conversation if I need to so if I know someone doesn't want me to say something I'll direct the conversation away from the subject. I'll even do it if I notice they're uncomfortable about it but haven't said anything to me personally.

 

[The_Liquid_Laser]

You both have very similar ideas about this.
Although you may be right, the issue being pointed are the personality types most likely to spill secrets.
Character traits fall back to personality.

No they do not. Personality is how we manifest our character. Our character is based on the principles and values we choose to follow. Personality does not shape our character, but a person's character manifests differently based on their personality.

If you had to choose between all personality types which one would you not tell a secret to? If I had the same levels of friendship to an EXTP and an ISTJ I'd more easily tell the ISTJ a secret.

A person's type is irrelevant.

 

[Oaky]

No they do not. Personality is how we manifest our character. Our character is based on the principles and values we choose to follow. Personality does not shape our character, but a person's character manifests differently based on their personality.

I understand your point. You mean that each personality will go about a different way of doing the same thing or possessing the same character. But what if a character trait goes against the description of the personality type. It may simply mean that you have traits of other personality types.