[INFP] INFPs attract unusual people?

[The Decline]

I attract odd people too. Not even interesting odd people, just stalkers on my campus. I can't escape them! They follow me everywhere, popping out of random buildings, even when I ignore them and walk quickly away. They chase me, grab me, their attentions border on molestation. These are just people without boundaries, and they annoy the crap outta me. Can't they take a bloody hint? If being ignored doesn't send signals, there must be something terribly wrong with them. It's not that most of them are bad people or anything, they just don't seem to understand how to interact properly with other people. I feel too bad to just tell them off because they are genuinely nice, and I don't think they'd do anything to hurt me, well except for that one guy but persistence isn't going to win me over if that's what they are thinking. I attract the attention of "normal" people as well, but my aloofness tends to make them keep their distance, which I don't mind at all. Of course I have a couple of friends I have found here who I can just feel comfortable with, and a couple of interesting contacts that I converse with regularly, so I do seem to attract a balanced variety of people. Still, why can't these other creepy people go away?

Tazers come in a variety of stylish colors now, y'know.

 

[Wiley45]

Right now when your goal is to be really nice to everyone and all the stuff that gets wrapped into that like "not imposing" you really quiet your own ego - and you are signalling to the world that you are a grand Receptor/Receiver and don't take this the wrong way, but 'passive' - and the only people who will go out of their way to seek you out will be kooky and troubled ones because you're the only one who will give them the attention they want and they can encroach on you.

Once you become more about yourself, taking a stand, asserting who you are - you will give out a clearer signal of who you are then more 'normal' people will be attracted to you because they see you, not your desire to not hurt others.

With respect to you and your opinion, CzeCze, INFP's being attracted to/attracting strange or unhealthy people does not automatically mean we have trouble attracting normal people. The OP may just be in a time of her life where she hasn't come across a mutual attraction with the kinds of guys she wants, but that doesn't necessarily mean she's doing something wrong to keep normal guys from being attracted to her. Plenty of us, of any type, have gone through seasons where it felt like nobody was interested or we just couldn't find that right fit with a person. On top of that, INFP's can be difficult to get to know, and it takes a really special person to earn our trust and see all the attractive inner stuff going on.

The caring, or at least, open-minded way that INFP's typically operate can be very attractive to certain types of people, and I've seen it happen. I don't think it automatically repels everyone normal. Plenty of normal people appreciate it, even if they can see room for growth and improvement. I agree that it's important for us to be assertive, set boundaries, and take care of our own needs above all, but as long as we try to practice these things, I see nothing negative with an initial goal of being nice and accommodating to others.

 

[Wiley45]

[/B]

This is so very true. I once met a man on the bus who became infatuated with my earlobes and wanted to sketch them. So many bizarre incidences

HAHA! I think it's hilarious to hear the strange encounters INFP's have had with random individuals. Just reading this thread jogs my memory and I start laughing when I think of all the weird situations that have taken place in my own life.

 

[BlackCat]

My dad plays in bars with his band, and I'm a roadie. But I don't really do anything while they are playing... so I just kinda sit there.

I remember one night I met this woman that looked very new agey, was about 40 something and I was 14. We talked up a storm, she was a fun lady. She was definitely eccentric, and she felt odd for talking to me in such an intelligent way (since I was 14). I thought that that was funny.

I've also met some creepy people in those bars. But I always seem to put people at ease around me, so I never had any issues. What I mean by this are people that look like crooks or like they're on something. I played pool with a guy who did it for money, but I did it just casually. He was also a strange character, he had many stories to tell about the people he had played, and how one guy played him for 1000 dollars and he won. The guy almost got stabbed for winning... but thankfully got out of that (he then showed me that he always kept a can of mace on him). And keep in mind I'm ~14. This was a very large black guy (as in muscles) that looked kinda sleezy, but at the end of the pool game (which I got whooped at) the guy shook my hand and said "nice talking to you."

I've met more people outside of bars that are eccentric or strange, but these were some of the better examples.

So I do meet some interesting people (while not being INFP), and I think it may be the Fi putting people at ease around us.

 

[the state i am in]

the big Fi and the Ne makes it so that you can connect others feeling states to your own, it can jog your memory and you can find the right pattern really fucking well. people know that even if you do not want to give them anything, you recognize in a feeling way, how it feels to them, the holism of their feeling judgments, the yes and nos, what hurts and what feels good and the pattern that maps out why why why. sometimes you are wearing a sign that says "free empathy" and you don't even know it. especially the infps that give people the squeezing eye hug. emotionally poor people can't get enough of that, especially when it's free.

these weirdos are often in the fit of an emotional problem or conflict. whatever type they are, they are going to you bc you are the feeling kings and queens. you may not have it sorted out yourself, but you are the experts and are usually much much better at helping others than yourselves.

people go to intps for similar reasons, help getting shit in order, like tech support, what causal relationships they keep skipping over when they troubleshoot, trying to figure out what keeps breaking down. both inp types are very good at brainstorming and suggesting new possibilities (Ne!).

in a social sense, both inp types are like integrity checkers, they can find the conflict very well and have enough compiled wisdom in their judgment to help alleviate it in and smooth it out in many ways. mended and ready to go again. with that said, some are more focused on others/the world and some are more focused on self-expression, depending on enneagram type.

 

[Little Linguist]

Yeah, I can see why, as I am an ENFP, and the same thing happens to me.

 

[Just another ISTJ]

I don't think anyone has pointed out that some INFPs are unusual people.

 

[metaphours]

lawl infps ftw

 

[OrangeAppled]

I don't think anyone has pointed out that some INFPs are unusual people.

Nothing wrong with unusual in itself though. As stated in the OP, we're specifically discussing "bad" unusual. These "unusual" people are not simply charmingly offbeat....

 

[Strawberrylover]

sometimes you are wearing a sign that says "free empathy" and you don't even know it. especially the infps that give people the squeezing eye hug.

LOL! The "squeezing eye hug." That needs its own emoticon.

How about this? Or this one?

Ooh! ++

people go to intps for similar reasons, help getting shit in order, like tech support, what causal relationships they keep skipping over when they troubleshoot, trying to figure out what keeps breaking down. both inp types are very good at brainstorming and suggesting new possibilities (Ne!).

Hadn't thought of it that way. This gives me a fresh perspective to understand the NT types. Thanks!

 

[CzeCze]

With respect to you and your opinion, CzeCze, INFP's being attracted to/attracting strange or unhealthy people does not automatically mean we have trouble attracting normal people.

Oh I agree, I was just referring to the OP's specific situation since she said she only was attracting troubled people and wondered where all the "normal" people are?

I've also had experience and seen people who get so caught up with every random/troubled/troublemaker in their lives that they don't have time or notice the healthy people. I've mentioend this elsewhere but healthy "normal" people are generally not as aggressive and literally in your face as unhealthy/kooky people so they are easier to miss.

 

[Scott N Denver]

As far as I can tell, I've never attracted "unusual in a bad way" people. I've met people that probably qualified under that definition and talked briefly with them but they never "latched onto me" or anything.

See it can be done [err, avoided]

 

[sgman]

Oh I agree, I was just referring to the OP's specific situation since she said she only was attracting troubled people and wondered where all the "normal" people are?

I've also had experience and seen people who get so caught up with every random/troubled/troublemaker in their lives that they don't have time or notice the healthy people. I've mentioend this elsewhere but healthy "normal" people are generally not as aggressive and literally in your face as unhealthy/kooky people so they are easier to miss.

Yes, I know what you're talking about. I often wanted to hang out with the outgoing, fun, always-a-smile-on-their-face types, but I realized that some of these outgoing people tend to be really aggressive personalities who will only hang out with you if they think you benefit them.

The healthy and "normal" ones, the more introverted types who go with the flow and don't normally cause big waves, I tend to overlook.

Personally, I learned my lesson the hard way when a leech attached itself to me in a class I'm taking. I think what can be taken from this is that, no matter how much we INFPs want to just be ourselves, and extend our "love" to the whole world, there are some people with bad intentions out there, hence in order to preserve ourselves we have to become more assertive. And maybe more conforming. That reduces the chance we'll be singled out.

Also, if you're in college, never sit in the back. I did it to avoid scrutiny, but usually, as a serious student, you don't want to be next to the people who sit in the back. I've never been comfortable at the very front, but middle or middle-front is good.

 

[Wiley45]

Oh I agree, I was just referring to the OP's specific situation since she said she only was attracting troubled people and wondered where all the "normal" people are?

I've also had experience and seen people who get so caught up with every random/troubled/troublemaker in their lives that they don't have time or notice the healthy people. I've mentioend this elsewhere but healthy "normal" people are generally not as aggressive and literally in your face as unhealthy/kooky people so they are easier to miss.

Ah, ok. I understand what you mean. I can't recall anyone I've met who was so preoccupied with helping troubled people that they didn't have time to notice normal people, but I can see how that could happen. It's kind of exhausting just to consider in thought, actually. Yikes.

I think what can be taken from this is that, no matter how much we INFPs want to just be ourselves, and extend our "love" to the whole world, there are some people with bad intentions out there, hence in order to preserve ourselves we have to become more assertive. And maybe more conforming. That reduces the chance we'll be singled out.

Good and interesting point, I think. I agree that an idealist can have a difficult time imagining people to have bad or malicious intentions. Even in times when they don't have bad intentions, it is still essential to be choosy about who we help, or even who we spend energy thinking about. Sometimes I've stopped spending time with unhealthy people who sapped my energy, but then wasted a ton of time feeling guilty about it, which isn't a whole lot better.

I'm curious - what do you mean by "more conforming?"

 

[sgman]

Good and interesting point, I think. I agree that an idealist can have a difficult time imagining people to have bad or malicious intentions. Even in times when they don't have bad intentions, it is still essential to be choosy about who we help, or even who we spend energy thinking about. Sometimes I've stopped spending time with unhealthy people who sapped my energy, but then wasted a ton of time feeling guilty about it, which isn't a whole lot better.

I'm curious - what do you mean by "more conforming?"

When I wrote that I had this image in mind of being an outside observer of a class. Looking over, and not seeing anyone that catches the eye. As opposed to seeing a guy with his head down, scribbling quickly and efficiently.
I am pretty sure I have this problem.

Another example, I guess, would be, looking at a bunch of people walking. And there's one guy who is slouching, head down, obviously deep in thought.

So by "conforming," I mean just conforming on the surface. Seeming more like everybody else, not deviating too much from the norm.

 

[Coeur]

Hey Coeur! Aww, I know you want to do the right thing for everyone but I think the best lesson for an INFP to learn is that sometimes love is TOUGH love. Being good to people is not necessarily always making them feel good at any cost. And doing right also means doing right by yourself, not necessarily always trying to accomodate others.

And at the end of the day, people expect you to be an individual and do a good job of expressing your wants and desires. That's kinda the minimum expectation for each of us.

If you don't do that, in a way you are misleading people and not keeping up your part of the unspoken social pact - because people will think that you WANT certain things and LIKE certain things when you are merely accomodating them. That's why they will be upset or hurt when they find out this isn't the case, because they felt misled, not because you do not like or want something.

I think as you get better at this (along with strong boundaries and tough love!), you will see more non-bad-crazy people attracted to you - because they will see who and what you are actually about.

Right now when your goal is to be really nice to everyone and all the stuff that gets wrapped into that like "not imposing" you really quiet your own ego - and you are signalling to the world that you are a grand Receptor/Receiver and don't take this the wrong way, but 'passive' - and the only people who will go out of their way to seek you out will be kooky and troubled ones because you're the only one who will give them the attention they want and they can encroach on you.

Once you become more about yourself, taking a stand, asserting who you are - you will give out a clearer signal of who you are then more 'normal' people will be attracted to you because they see you, not your desire to not hurt others. They can also sense that you're able to keep up your part of that unspoken social contract.

Honestly, most normal healthy people (the kind you want attracted to you! lol!) are not interested in taking advantage of your kindness. Normal healthy people do not want to feel responsible for you in a way or like they have second guess how you really feel.

Troubled people though WILL flock to that - you're like an attention buffet!

I know for an INFP it feels like a damned if you/damned if you don't situation, because really - why are people always getting hurt or disappointed "no matter what you do"? (<--At least one or two INFPs irl have told me this)

But really, most normal healthy people actually want and expect you to be more selfish and assertive and will not mind getting rejected by you. Everyone gets hurt and rejected and healthy people have learned to get over and process it quickly or not be bothered. In a way, you do people a favor by rejecting them because it gives them an opportunity to grow as people and learn to deal with disappointment. And people may not like rejection - but there is big difference in someone not being pleased with something you do and not liking you as a person. Healthy people are able to separate the two and will not hate you or think you are a bad person for not agreeing with them or not being romantically interested in them.

In fact, people will think better of you for it because they know they can depend on you to represent yourself in a clear and honest way.

So good luck! +

Thank you, this is good advice!

I think part of the problem is that "unusual" people cling to me right away. They show interest. "Normal" people however, show no interest. Which person am I more likely to interact with? The person who shows interest in me. I don't really know why this occurs. Even if I show interest in the normal people [not even romantic, just talking about what they like], they just don't like me. I'm quite attractive and interesting too [I'm not prideful, btw, I'm just saying], so I don't really see what the problem is.

 

[d@v3]

Well, the INFP I was trying to date, she always attracted the potheads and drug addicts and drunks... never had a good guy that cared for her. It always pissed me off.

From my observations ( I "chased" her for 3 years) she made herself vulnerable to the morons and had walls put up for all the "stable" guys who really cared for her like me... the whole ordeal was frustrating. The moron guys she "fell" for just told her what she wanted to hear and that was that....

I never did end up dating her and I have not seen or heard from her in many years.

 

[jixmixfix]

INFPs and Creepos

We all know you INFPS have attracted some kind of creepo in one instance or another. Now tell us your story ornstar:

 

[BlackCat]

http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/nf-idyllic/19482-infps-attract-unusual-people.html

 

[jixmixfix]

http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/nf-idyllic/19482-infps-attract-unusual-people.html

aww I kinda wanted a fresh one.