Sexual 4
Establishes self esteem through comparison with others.
Competition is an invigorating energy that cuts through depression and ruminating about loss. It's an "I'll Show You" rush of energy.
Competition is focused in two ways by competing for approval and through rivalry with people who claim recognition or attention you want for yourself.
Compete because of the need to be worthy in the eyes of a desirable person.
With a mate are prone to jealous heat.
Want to be the most important person in mates life.
In a 1 to 1 relationship, competition is acted out through controlled seduction and rejection. May seduce only to drop later.
Being the first to reject forestalls the expectation of abandonment.
The successful seduction serves as proof that they are equal or superior to the desired person.
Rejecting partners however opens the for to envy if the partner finds another mate.
The sexual subtype usually does not compete with friends, but can be highly adversarial to people in the same field or a rejecting mate.
In non sexual relationships, this gets played out as "wanting the respect of the best people"
Plebs don't matter when you have the attention of royalty.
Low self esteem is kept at bay by courting people of worth (subjectively decided by the 4).
Competitive 4's are as aggressive as 3's in going after what they want, but the envy motive causes them to focus on heavily slamming competitors as the goal itself. 8 like.
Can be consumed with professional envy. Long to best others in their work.
Petty about keeping score.
There is a need to reduce the worth of those who have not been deprived by exposing their faults.
Want recognition for their uniqueness.
Take away the success of others when threatened.
Envy people who seem happier, more fulfilled, or more interesting than they are, particular those whose assets are similar to theirs.
Longs for or has longed for a soul mate to come along and rescue them from an ordinary life.
Frequently engages in push pull. Creating drama and pain, keeps renewing the distance they want gives them the feeling they are in control.
Competition (compulsive comparing of self and others)-although admittance of this is kept under wraps.
Can be counter-envious.
Over involved-eyes go out to what else is missing "I want that too", Arrogant and demanding. Feelings of rottenness transformed into beauty. The misunderstood genius. "I answer only to God". No authority is worthy to control me.
8ish, a rare type can appear more 8 than 8. Self confident. Claims position, has angry envy, diminishes other to make self bigger and prove one right. 8 like intensities, over steps boundaries. Cannibalistic, "I deserve it", knows their own worth.
Infatuation. Envy clearly visible but often denied. Longing to have desirable other. Could be the one. Looking and longing for the one. Hate rival. I've got to get rid of the competition. Accomplishments acceptable to others, "Look at the greatness of my creation". Frustrated by others who achieve. "I attract through my uniqueness"
Seductive, sexual, sensual.
Idealizing other then rejecting them.
"How dare you have other friends"
Enchanted/disenchanted.
Admiration, longing, hatred.
Burning desire.
Misery loves company.
Others deserve to loose.
Mysterious, hard to get, uninterested, arrogant and aloof.
"The sexual 4 felt under represent in the literature on 4's. Most of them in some way felt outwardly very confident. They still identified with the dichotomy of dropping downward and feeling inadequate. They described having a passion for protest but explained that it was an internal angry envy expresses outwardly, covering a hidden fear of losing that which they desired. They hated anyone or anything that triggered feelings of inadequacy or envy, however, the deeper meaning was that they would rather have your hatred is it showed that you still cared and they could still affect you rather than to have your indifference. The sexual 4 also added that the high side of entitlement was their acceptance and support of everyone's unalienable right to express their individuality and needs.
Need to recreate loss for the intensity of the feeling.
Angry outbursts, suffering artist.
Artistic bravado and arrogance.
Sexual 3
Image is based on community or cultural standards of desirability or a given partners expectations.
If not committed to a specific partner then they will project an image generally and seek sexual conquests.
Adpot a sexually appealing image, and are often aware of performing a role.
Being recognized as physically appealing or sexually potent is a sign of value.
Play roles in relationships, in hopes of love and admiration.
Can compete to be attractive in other people's eyes.
Element of competition and performance even in love making.
Sexual conquests are important for their self esteem as symbols of success.
Have the right look and the best lines.
Some report that need to project a winning sexual images masks a deep confusion between the masculine and feminine aspects of themselves. This confusion often takes the form of feeling split between a masculine driven self and a more feminine other self.
In business the facade alters for maximum appeal. A strong Contender. A top producer.
Masculine/Feminine roles. Image oriented maximized.
Mannequin like.
The right look.
Try to impress opposite sex with charisma, sexiness and strength (depending on gender).
Mastered the art of looking attractive.
Pay attention to what others find appealing and dress accordingly.
Can resemble sexual 6.
Alter behavior in order to keep partner attracted.
Hidden fear of rejection.
Identifies with the image. No freedom to be anything else. To show real face would be acceptable. Hollywood image of looking rough or the supermodel. Seeking to be attractive to another.
Sexual-the catch. Powerful desire to be desired. Look but don't touch. Mannequin like. Alluring. Coquettish in women. Driving in men. Hunk, sex kitten, ideal of gender norms. Terrified of breaking gender norms. Trophy wife/husband. Desire for intimacy. Attract but not sustain. Deep fear of being undesirable.
Sexual rage and jealousy.
Envy like 4's.
Can seem 4ish but with less depth and more emotional lability.
The Sexual 3 wanted to share that their anxiety surfaces if anything mirrors back to them that they are not perfect, explaining that "if I'm not perfect I am nothing". When interviewed the question was whether it was the feelings, values or the way they looked, the response was "Everything, I must be a perfect example of what it is my boyfriend/partner, parents, friends, and boss want me to be, the problem is I can't perform all the roles perfectly simultaneously. I have little freedom of expression." The stress of feeling that they must be the ideal male or female of our society and yet still be the perfect (mother, father, spouse, parent, employee) with different values from their subjective values was very difficult to reconcile and created tremendous anxiety.
Visible anxiety with the sexual variant. A feeling of flighty ungroundedness occasionally.
Strong need to have a prestigious sought after partner.
"I am my role. I am my partner's prestige."
copied from
Enneagram + Instinct Variant Profiles