...raises hand quietly
I'm a female 5w4 sx/sp INTP'er... pleased to meet you
![Smile :) :)](data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7)
wow... almost like finding a unicorn!
True to my 5 nature, writing about myself is yuck, but I know I love reading what other INTP-type females are up to, especially considering we're kinda rare. I've lived my whole life feeling weird and out of place so find it somewhat comforting to hear how other women find moving through the world (or locked in our houses, as the case may be) as a 5 or INTP. And so...
I'm a 45-year-old woman that left home at 15, moved to a big city (Toronto) and taught herself how to use computers by reading manuals --I have a weird obsession with reading technical manuals and getting lost in computers. Worked in IT in various capacities with the majority of that time working in web design and programming. I moved to Amsterdam on a whim when I was 21 and worked and lived there for 12 years before deciding to move back to Canada and change things up. Switched careers... something I tend to do... and after having a child at 36 picked up a camera and started a business that's blown up and has been paying my mortgage and supporting my son and I for the last 10 years. Despite loving what I do for the last 2 years have had a feeling that I want to move on and find a way to bring my life experience (throughout IT career and before suffered from various addictions and left home young, lived on streets etc) to be of service. In general, I lived my life in a selfish way --I did what I wanted to when I wanted to. I didn't want kids. Like, ever. Thought I would be too selfish to be a mother and frankly, I didn't feel I had a mothering bone to speak of... then I had one.. and wham. changed everything. He's hands down the best thing to have ever happened to me. I want to be a better person. I'm trying to be a better person. I want to be of service. I want to show up (so so so so hard for me) SO, after lots of therapy I discovered that I love connecting with people one on one, love hearing other people's stories, and so, with encouragement from my therapist, earlier this year I applied to University (had always been a dream --I'd quit high school when I left home at 15) and got in! In pursuit of my goal of someday being a psychotherapist, I'm working on my BA in Psych.
So, now I'm juggling mom'ing, business running and University'ing. Are those words? But loving every second. Could I just be a full-time academic, please? k thanks. I'm starting late in life but as I'm doing this statistics course I'm in I think... damnnn! I would have loved to pursue a phd someday or been involved with research, etc etc.. or even psychiatry. Where did all the time go?
My personality:
- More masculine interests and energy than most women.
- positive person but also cynical --if that makes sense?
- I tend to isolate in extreme ways.. I can go days without talking to other people with not a moment of loneliness, in fact, I get crazy excited when I know I'll have a weekend to myself. Trying to work on this because I've noticed being alone with intense introspection can cause a sort of distortion of thought.. I can get lost in my own thinking and my own worlds.
- Prefer "online" friends in weird, obscure gaming discords than real ones -though I'm working on this!
- tend to connect with people IRL one on one very easily but don't have the endurance to maintain friendships
![Frown :( :(](data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7)
I often pull away and disconnect out of fear of not meeting the "friend" expectations of the other.
- find male company preferable to female, but working on this too.
- Obsessed with obscure podcasts like Very Bad Wizards <3
- love video games too much
- love escaping into books too much
- single out of choice.. trying to work up the energy to try dating again.. but honestly, it just seems like too much effort :|
- find showing my feelings hard
- can't listen to emotional music.. or even slow music because it triggers feelings --UGH. working on this big time. I've been in an elevator when some sappy, bad song is playing in the background and started tearing up... wtf.
- my taste in fashion/music/literature etc is kinda weird and dark.. and wide-ranging.. find it hard to find anyone with similar interests
- very politically incorrect, dark sense of humour
- love meme culture, though I recognize the toxic nature of it
- love being a mom - though defo not the typical mom.. have a very close relationship with my 9-year-old son --thank god I didn't have a girl! Am I right, fellow 5 ladies??
- love being alone too much
- trying to be a better human one day at a time
Okay, that was too much typing. Stopping now. Thanks for listening and don't hesitate to reach out if you ever want to chat
Shauna