[ENFP] What attracts an ENFP male and how do you keep him?

[wolfy]

Ok, I will give away what I believe the secret is to an ENFP Listen to them. I know it sounds stupid and basic, but they will tell you what they like.

That's good advice. The ENFP I know irl all you have to do is talk a little about something your into then sit back and listen. Then you ride the conversation. Great to talk to.

I get the feeling I'm making no sense here?

 

[Lady_X]

^^ why wouldn't that make sense? but i can't even the tiniest bit see why that's specific to enfp's doesn't everybody tell you what they like when you talk to them?

that's kind of how it works isn't it?

 

[wolfy]

^^ why wouldn't that make sense? but i can't even the tiniest bit see why that's specific to enfp's doesn't everybody tell you what they like when you talk to them?

that's kind of how it works isn't it?

That's not what I meant. The ENFP I know has a broad range of interests and often has something to add to the conversation.

Of course I only know one tested ENFP irl so it could be just a completely BS availability heuristic I'm using here.

 

[Lady_X]

haha...i wasn't be snarky. i was genuinely asking...i know that i like to get to know people by figuring out what they like...what they're excited about that sort of thing...but i just feel like everybody does that and has something to add to the conversation...but...you're right.

 

[Poki]

^^ why wouldn't that make sense? but i can't even the tiniest bit see why that's specific to enfp's doesn't everybody tell you what they like when you talk to them?

that's kind of how it works isn't it?

Thats the kicker. Its all about listening, not fixing and some types will naturally try to fix other types problems. While some types naturally will sit back and listen to other types.

 

[Oso Mocoso]

So what attracts an ENFP male? How do you catch him and keep him?

Err ... one of my best friends is an ENFP male. He is like you said kind of all over the place. He's been more stable recently since he kind of has a career now, but as a young man he was remarkably transient.

I tended to keep in touch with him over the phone, or when I traveled to places he happened to be (I travel a lot). A woman trying to have a relationship with him would either have had to be remarkably tolerant of travel or capable of having a long distance relationship. ENFPs are very entertaining, however. My ENFP friend gave a great speech at my wedding.

 

[wolfy]

haha...i wasn't be snarky. i was genuinely asking...i know that i like to get to know people by figuring out what they like...what they're excited about that sort of thing...but i just feel like everybody does that and has something to add to the conversation...but...you're right.

People naturally feel that people see the world the same way they see it. I've noticed that tendency in myself.

 

[Lady_X]

i guess so...i wish i could see things as others do though...i think it drives me bonkers that i can't.

 

[wolfy]

I think it's more important to understand yourself. And what you bring to the table.

 

[Poki]

Ok, this time I will stick to ISTP, I like messing with ENFP, I know what parts of me I can turn around to relate to an ENFP and what parts dont.

As an ISTP I will tell you what I like, I wont tell you what I dont like, this will have to be read into. It can be questioned, but this is opening myself up and a connection needs to exists with an understanding that you will hear what I say and not read into it. We do not want you to read into it that we dont like you or have bad thoughts or feelings toward you, it is the action. Its a comfort thing that you can open up and the person will hear what you say and not take offence. At that point I will also open up and feel like I can tell you what you said that affected me and talk about it without you taking offence.

 

[cantuse]

Haha, As a male ENFP I would most honestly answer the OP:

To win over an Male ENFP, all you have to do is be the object of their affection. We pretty much do the rest, and additionally project all of your weaknesses as 'soulfulness'.

Keeping us around? Be patient, don't point out our shortcomings, observe that we take everything critically, and I mean EVERYTHING. And it helps if you don't become boring, or try and change us into regular people. Women, especially the stable and wonderful kind that ENFPs need, are apt to try and fix our weird ways which only makes us feel even more remote.

 

[EmeraldKnight]

ENFPs love fun

So what attracts an ENFP male? How do you catch him and keep him?

Join his parade. He will invite you into his world of fun and open every door possible if he likes you. I would not expect anyone to enter all of them but some. If not we become sad and disappointed and will eventually look elsewhere.

Basically just join him in his energy. If he likes you he will bring it to you time and time again.

> My major problem with ENFPs is that they are just all over the place, unless you happen to see one on

I can seem all over the place however there is a fundamental cohesiveness to it all. Spending our energy to enjoy life. It can be on every dimension. Work, social, individual projects. We are effectively boundless in our enthusiasm this way.

I put huge energy into contacting anyone that catches my attention. If he doesn't, sorry he is not into you in some manner. If he is it can be intense in his attention, from interesting ideas and planning fun things to do. None of it is needy or clingy he loves having fun and is wanting you to join him.

The biggest problem you might have with us is we might overwhelm you with our energy and enthusiasm. If you need to say NO, and you will Do it in a polite manner or we can feel hurt and misunderstood.

 

[theinfjgal]

So what attracts an ENFP male? How do you catch him and keep him? My major problem with ENFPs is that they are just all over the place, unless you happen to see one on a regular basis through uni, work etc it's almost impossible to get hold of them since the ones I have met don't really believe in replying to emails or text messages etc. They are fascinating but just so bloody elusive, it sometimes seems pointless to invest any energy in building the friendship/relationship with them since not much is coming back. Or did I just meet some bad ENFP eggs?

Simmilar thoughts...
There is this ENFP guy... I really like him but he is so on and off. He's sweet and flirty and all of a sudden he disappears, and I am just so confused. He keeps looking for me, but also keeps randomly disappearing and I just feel like he is playing with my emotions.
If you guys want to hear the full story, I'd gladly share in hope for some advice from you ENFP males out there ( all oppinions welcome though!)
Also, what is the deal with ENFP guys and 90% of their platonic friendships being with girls?? Should I be worried? It doesn't seem like they are more than friends but... occasionally I wonder🤔

 

[LucieCat]

Simmilar thoughts...
There is this ENFP guy... I really like him but he is so on and off. He's sweet and flirty and all of a sudden he disappears, and I am just so confused. He keeps looking for me, but also keeps randomly disappearing and I just feel like he is playing with my emotions.
If you guys want to hear the full story, I'd gladly share in hope for some advice from you ENFP males out there ( all oppinions welcome though!)
Also, what is the deal with ENFP guys and 90% of their platonic friendships being with girls?? Should I be worried? It doesn't seem like they are more than friends but... occasionally I wonder🤔

I'm a female, but here's my two cents.

We ENFPs are stereotyped as flighty. This isn't exactly true, but I know I tend to go MIA for periods of time from the lives of people I care about (unless they really make an effort to be around me). I just tend to get distracted and fly off in a million directions. It's not that I dislike or am angry with people or that I don't care, I was just sidetracked. I will eventually float back though it may take quite a bit of time.

As far as most of their friends being girls, I wouldn't worry all that much. Some people just seem to click with the opposite gender better. A good chunk of my friends are guys, but that doesn't mean I would be unfaithful in a relationship. I'm just really friendly and get along with males and females equally well. And for many of my male friends, they tend to be like brothers to me.

 

[enfpe]

Do ENFP's take a decent amount of time to ACT on their attraction to others? Do they drop hints, and if so, what do they look like? Do they tend to initiate?

I really appreciate you taking the time to ask these questions. I can't speak for every ENFP, but I would say in my particular case (as an ENFP dating an INFJ), it took me nearly a year. He was very sure of me within the first couple of months, but I think when you find an ENFP, you need to be able to tell if they are ready or not ready. If they are not ready, please spare your heart until they are. I was not ready when I met him. My hangups seem to fall in line with general ENFP hangups (feeling restricted in a relationship, having too many options, and fearing missing out on other people/experiences). However, it really boiled down to feeling like I was not ready, or I hadn't had adequate time to prepare myself for a real relationship. ENFP aren't indecisive, we are actually incredibly decisive, we just need to know that we've come to the right conclusions at the right time. I apparently dropped a lot of hints, like wanting to spend time with him all the time, flirting and using subtext in conversations to convey interest, but was largely unaware of this fact until I forced myself to sit down and ask myself in all honesty what I was feeling. I initiated after a year of being friends, and I am honestly so happy that I did. We work wonderfully as a team. I think one key thing is, you need to fit into the ENFP's larger vision for the future. They don't tend to factor people into this equation unless they can actually see themselves with this person long term, in my experience. When they are committed, they are very much committed, but it can be difficult to tell when this has occured. Often, just asking them helps. They may not know, but this at least causes them to think about it. If you are someone who desires consistency and forthrightness, tell them. They are very likely to want to accommodate because this signals to them that these are values for you - something they can very much respect and relate to.

 

[theinfjgal]

Haha, As a male ENFP I would most honestly answer the OP: To win over an Male ENFP, all you have to do is be the object of their affection. We pretty much do the rest, and additionally project all of your weaknesses as 'soulfulness'. Keeping us around? Be patient, don't point out our shortcomings, observe that we take everything critically, and I mean EVERYTHING. And it helps if you don't become boring, or try and change us into regular people. Women, especially the stable and wonderful kind that ENFPs need, are apt to try and fix our weird ways which only makes us feel even more remote.

I need some advice from you ENFPs out there... I feel like giving up on this ENFP guy, but something is keeping me from letting it go.
So, here's what the (long) story is : we've known each other since childhood, and he liked me for quite a while in our early teens, I liked him back,not as much as he did, but I was scared of anything serious that early, and I kind of liked some one else back then. So it ended. Which was really sad cause we lost the friendship too.
Until about a year back..when we got back in touch over this new blog he had with some amazing poetry. I had a blog as well, and we kind of kicked it off from there.
I never really thought of him as a lover, but something about how he wrote made me lose my mind. I was in love, with his mind.
So we began to periodically share what we would write with each other, and had a few very meaningful discussions.
After a while I felt like I wanted us to be more. I could sense though, that he might not be ready, he seemed hurt from a past relationship.
After some more time, he invited me to meet and since we live in opposite parts of the country, it was hard, but we met. We spent the afternoon and night talking, and it felt blissful! I always felt like he made me feel like I was the most important person on earth. (I've come to figure out that ENFP's try to make pretty much everyone feel like that though, so, I guess it wasn't that special). Anyway, we had a short kiss and that was that. He was very sweet.
I left the next day, and that is when everything changed. He became distant.
I confessed how I felt by writing him a short poem, and he said he felt the same way...the conv ended there, but he kinda disappeared after that, almost like he didn't want to talk anymore... So why did he lead me on?
I stopped initiating conversation after I repeatedly felt he lost interest.
And weeks would pass and we wouldn't talk, and out of the blue he would text me a long paragraph about what he was going through, like nothing had happened.
I tried to be warm and kind eventhough I felt very confused..
He would write me a few times in a row in one week and occasionally I would initiate a conversation too.
Occasionally he would drop some lines that would be very straight forward about wanting to be more than friends, heck, a few times he was so straight forward that I was almost certain we had gone a level up, not yet saying the word gf or bf, but pretty much there.
Out of the blue he would disappear again. I was hurt. I let it go completely after that. I figured if he wants me he'll man up.
He kept writing me periodically after that, short thoughts, a link to a song, or asking me how I was (but most of the time he did that just so I could ask him back. Our conversations were 80% about him, and it started feeling like he was using me to get attention and to feel important). Yet I know his heart, he is so kind, so loving, why would he do that?
He was often very flirty, and if I would respond back the same it almost seemed like he would freak out and disappear. He often made me feel like I was the one who wanted us to be something and like he was just going with it when he felt lonely.
I confrunted him twice. the first time he assured me that he liked me too, but that he was afraid of rejection, like in the past. So, I apologized for when we were teens and I hurt him with my indifference. We had a great conversation and it felt like we were making great progress. But of course, he disappeared for 1-2 weeks again after that, leaving things unresolved as usual.
One day he asked me if I wanted to meet again as we were passing through the same city coincidentally in the same day. I agreed. We had a good time, coffee, walks, and talks, but nothing about us, he didn't bring anything up and I didn't either because by now I felt like he was just playing with my emotions. I tried to ask him about him, his story, but he looked at me and didn't say a word. I almost found it rude.
We didn't talk much after that meeting. Just some Merry Christmas messages and a few insignificant other conversations ( mostly initiated by him)
Here we are, a few days back after again not talking for a while, he wrote me, and he was being very sweet and flirty and made me feel really special and he mentioned wishing I was with him in his life, that I made him want to be a better man, that there was something about me that made him so drawn to me. I told him that I made my feelings clear, and that he is the confusing one, saying one thing, coming to me with all this sweet talk that he never backs up with action and diaappearing afterwards. He said he felt like I was sending mixed signals and that he was scared to act. By now I was very upset, because I had been always kind and always there for him dispite his inconssistency. I told him that all I want is for him to be straight forward with me, that all I wanted was to get to know him, not necesaarily to be an item so fast, but that he always pushed me away when I had asked about him, his story. And kept disappearing and leaving me hanging. I told him we should remain friends, and if he wanted us to be more, that he would take that step, knowing how I feel.
This was over a week ago and it seems like he has disappeared once again.
What am I doing wrong? I feel like he is taking advantage of me. Saying all the right words but doing nothing. I hate things being so confusing and unsettled. I need stability and realness.
I feel like giving up so often but I just feel connected to him like I've never been with anyone else. He is truly special, and rare. His heart is precious. But I'm so tired of all this back and forth.

What's going on in his mind??
All y'all ENFP males (or females) over here, would you give me some tips?

 

[Russiaboy1]

Enfps are the best

 

[Seeker33]

I'm finding one thing that really attracts me is passion. People who have something that they really love, a hobby, a career, a talent, that they throw themselves into and keep developing and improving, that really catches my attention. Passionate people shine like lightbubs and i am drawn in and inspired. When they tend to get really good at it, they also tend to exude a lot of confidence along with passion, which also draws me in.

I also notice... i tend to be drawn initially to people who seem very stable and grounded at times. I think because I am not very grounded so i feel calmed in the presence of more steady personalities. I don't know if thats the right fit for me though, i'm not sure i want to be grounded, i want somebody to fly with me. hmmmm

 

[Agent Washington]

Disappear back on him and see if he'll chase. It's a game.

 

[Kasperdamsoe]

Hello ENFP here. I don't know if it is an ENFP thing or personal thing, but! I myself am as you describe often all over the place, but I build special bonds with those i care about/for. I have only had 2 serious relationships. Usually in my experience ENFP would love seriouse relationships where they are commited IF you can handle change and ideas in the relationship with them.

How come you "want an ENFP" anyways? What is it that you find to fit with you and want from an ENFP?

Sincerely
Kasper