[ENFP] Do ENFPs Know the Meaning of Personal Space?

[Masokissed]

I only get physical with people I'm close with or feel a connection to. Sorry, I'm hard to get.

 

[ceecee]

I've been trying to think if my two ENFP's ever do this. I don't think so, not even in their most drunk off their ass or sad or overly happy moments. What they will do is hug me if they think I need one but in general, I don't see either of them being overly or easily physical. Mostly the opposite.

 

[Amargith]

I've been known to hug strangers (who are confiding in me about something while crying, often) but only when they're utterly distressed and look like they need it.

I have absolutely no problem with physicality, but I've learned early on that others are not that comfortable with it. For the most part, it gets me in trouble with female onlookers who disapprove of my physical way of interacting with guys - while the guys never seem to be offended or anything else. Those few that did have a problem with it told me so or indicated it through body language and I stopped, of course.

 

[GIjade]

I don't really know who's to blame here: the ENFP for being disrespectful of my space without asking, or me for not being more blunt about my discomfort.

both.

 

[Chrysanthe]

I secretly enjoy having my personal space violated. But only if I enjoy your presence in general. Even though I have HSP and am sensitive to almost everything else, being close enough to touch me usually will make me more friendly in return, even if I didn't know you beforehand.

 

[Amargith]

I secretly enjoy having my personal space violated. But only if I enjoy your presence in general. Even though I have HSP and am sensitive to almost everything else, being close enough to touch me usually will make me more friendly in return.

You're not alone.

It's why I double check carefully with certain people - personal space is often secretly very optional, ime. I have been known to bewilder bystanders by completely 'violating' that person's space while seeing them turn red, do the obligatory mutter-thing yet having the widest grin on their faces. It does require really reading that person well and *knowing* you'll be getting a positive response though

 

[Coriolis]

It's why I double check carefully with certain people - personal space is often secretly very optional, ime. I have been known to bewilder bystanders by completely 'violating' that person' space while seeing them turn red, do the obligatory mutter-thing yet having the widest grin on their faces. It does require really reading that person well and *knowing* you'll be getting a positive response though

What do you do if you guess wrong, and they really are put off by it?

 

[Amargith]

What do you do if you guess wrong, and they really are put off by it?

It's exceedingly rare these days as it's more of a really educated guess at this point, but I apologise profusely and don't do it ever again - unless they initiate the next one

I also tend to 'test' first with smaller, more subtle and really socially harmless gestures, to be absolutely sure where the line is and if there are any unseen trip wires I should be aware of. If I see even a hint of retreat without some enjoyment to go along with it, I abort.

Usually, though, it's something they say, or do, that prompts me going there. I used to, as a kid, be able to tell that people were saying one thing (often due to social propriety or personal gain) but actually felt another. When I then responded to what they were feeling instead of saying, I'd accidentally expose them as a liar or make them uncomfortable. That's something I...was severely punished for. Over the years, I became better at gauging when it was in fact secretly desired that I respond to their feelings instead of their facade. It's often the whole ' I have to behave this way coz that's the rule', when many people are in fact...well, lonely, scared and in dire need of a hug. Or some laughter. Or feeling desired and wanted. Or just comforted.

I usually only do it with people I know well enough to gauge, make sure the situation wouldn't embarrass them (too much) and make sure the gesture wouldn't impede on their sense of self (for instance, it's better to subtly put a hand on the person's hand than hug them if they're fiercely independent and don't like to look weak - ever, unless they're *really* overwhelmed and in need of oxytocin and they *really* trust you).

I also often wrap it in a 'funny' and teasing context, so that they can laugh it off easily if they prefer not to look too vulnerable (and I'll instantly go more serious and nurturing if I feel them responding like a ravenous person). This is also often my way of 'flirting for fun' where the point is to create a little bit of tension and a pinch of uncomfortableness that can be really pleasant for both parties, as it gives you the ability to safely stretch and explore your limits/boundaries at your own pace. Meanwhile, you notice with the first bantering comment you throw their way whether someone is up for that, slightly uncomfortable but secretly loving it, or absolutely turned off by it - you don't even have to touch them yet.

I have, on occasion, done the 'space invasion' thing with complete and utter strangers, but that's usually more because they're falling apart emotionally in my arms - not because I instigated it - and are in dire need of an IV of oxytocin. Some people just don't have anyone to talk to in their lives OR, feel too embarrassed to be that 'weak' around anyone they know. A stranger they'll never meet again is a safer bet