Mal12345
Permabanned
- Joined
- Apr 19, 2011
- Messages
- 14,532
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- sx/sp
To quote an old guy in the movie "Kingsman: The Golden Circle": What is THAT?
I, having missed out on viewing the 2014 Kingsman effort, thought exactly that as the 2017 edition presented itself to my spectacled eyes.
Is it James Bondian? Is it Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow? Both, and neither. It's a comic book movie made for the 9 year old boy in all of us (yes, even the women). Except - don't bring your 9 year old. You can bring your 9 year old self trapped in an adult body, but that's it. Because the lady to my left apparently drove her kid home and then came back alone. And the woman in front of me kept putting her hand over the boy's eyes next to her (I assume they are related somehow.)
Sky Captain... errr, "Kingsman: The Golden Circle" has the audacity to feature the "Can you hear me now?" guy from the old Verizon ads as some kind of super-spy. Here's his picture in case you don't remember him:
"What do you think of me now, bitches?"
Wait. Shit. I just realized that it's not that guy, it's this guy:
I don't know the difference anyway. It could have been the Verizon guy for all it matters. I only went to see this because of the missile launcher depicted above. Yep, I am that superficial.
No I'm not. It's just that all the deep movies have been made already. I've seen, and enjoyed, probably most of them. And now all Hollywood has to offer is crap like Kingsman: The Golden Circle (2017).
There are no touching moments in this movie. There are no "heavy" moments. There is nothing to send chills down my spine. And the only reason I am posting this movie review is to create a permanent record of a movie I will forget about two days from... now.
Since this movie has nothing much to offer, I focused my viewing on trying to follow the sketchy, far-fetched plot and enjoy the sfx. The ending fight scene (there's always an ending fight scene) held a cinematic surprise which I doubt 1% of the viewing audience will catch on to much less appreciate. Not that I'm better than the other 99%; after all, they are capable of enjoying something without thinking about it at the same time, a trait that I lack. And I do envy that trait.
But if you're like my wife, you won't even bother to think about it, you will simply fall asleep (which is what she would have done).
I am no movie afficionado, I can barely name any of today's actors so I am forced to compare them to actors of yore.
For example, there was the 'Burt Reynolds' character - in look only. His presence in the movie made me miss Burt Reynolds. What an awesome actor. Guess which picture below contains the Burt Reynolds look-alike:
"No not them, me on the right."
If you didn't know which one was the Burt Reynolds look-alike, then I pity your soul. If you thought it was the female in the middle, then you need a nice big dose of some of Poppy's fine recreational drugs in the movie.
I'll give this donkey 10/10 stars for making me pine for the golden days of Hollywood (roughly 1971 - 1986).
I, having missed out on viewing the 2014 Kingsman effort, thought exactly that as the 2017 edition presented itself to my spectacled eyes.
Is it James Bondian? Is it Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow? Both, and neither. It's a comic book movie made for the 9 year old boy in all of us (yes, even the women). Except - don't bring your 9 year old. You can bring your 9 year old self trapped in an adult body, but that's it. Because the lady to my left apparently drove her kid home and then came back alone. And the woman in front of me kept putting her hand over the boy's eyes next to her (I assume they are related somehow.)
Sky Captain... errr, "Kingsman: The Golden Circle" has the audacity to feature the "Can you hear me now?" guy from the old Verizon ads as some kind of super-spy. Here's his picture in case you don't remember him:
"What do you think of me now, bitches?"
Wait. Shit. I just realized that it's not that guy, it's this guy:
I don't know the difference anyway. It could have been the Verizon guy for all it matters. I only went to see this because of the missile launcher depicted above. Yep, I am that superficial.
No I'm not. It's just that all the deep movies have been made already. I've seen, and enjoyed, probably most of them. And now all Hollywood has to offer is crap like Kingsman: The Golden Circle (2017).
There are no touching moments in this movie. There are no "heavy" moments. There is nothing to send chills down my spine. And the only reason I am posting this movie review is to create a permanent record of a movie I will forget about two days from... now.
Since this movie has nothing much to offer, I focused my viewing on trying to follow the sketchy, far-fetched plot and enjoy the sfx. The ending fight scene (there's always an ending fight scene) held a cinematic surprise which I doubt 1% of the viewing audience will catch on to much less appreciate. Not that I'm better than the other 99%; after all, they are capable of enjoying something without thinking about it at the same time, a trait that I lack. And I do envy that trait.
But if you're like my wife, you won't even bother to think about it, you will simply fall asleep (which is what she would have done).
I am no movie afficionado, I can barely name any of today's actors so I am forced to compare them to actors of yore.
For example, there was the 'Burt Reynolds' character - in look only. His presence in the movie made me miss Burt Reynolds. What an awesome actor. Guess which picture below contains the Burt Reynolds look-alike:
"No not them, me on the right."
If you didn't know which one was the Burt Reynolds look-alike, then I pity your soul. If you thought it was the female in the middle, then you need a nice big dose of some of Poppy's fine recreational drugs in the movie.
I'll give this donkey 10/10 stars for making me pine for the golden days of Hollywood (roughly 1971 - 1986).
