What Are You Feeling II: The Sequel & The Last Crusade & Search for & Revenge of Khan &The Secret of the Ooze

[The Cat]

 

[The Cat]

 

[Lexicon]

I’m feeling… anxiously excited?

Riddled with




Waiting for my professor to finish up grading, which may happen today. New assignment grades have been posted throughout the day. She’s the last of them to post grades. All that remains to be calculated are the points toward “participation/attendance” & “extra points toward quizzes.” Depending on how the latter is distributed, I may be staring down the barrel of a freaking PERFECT 4.0 my first semester back to college in 15+ yrs.

If it goes the other way, I can live with 3 A+’s & 1 A-. I guess.


I feel like I’m sitting at a slot machine, waiting for the final column to stop spinning.

Yes, I am unabashedly bragging. My life's been on PAUSE in some respects for far too long. It feels fucking great to do well.

Besides... I'm a moderator gone mad with power... I'll brag all I want!!

 

[Lexicon]

I’m feeling… anxiously excited?

Riddled with

View attachment 29986


Waiting for my professor to finish up grading, which may happen today. New assignment grades have been posted throughout the day. She’s the last of them to post grades. All that remains to be calculated are the points toward “participation/attendance” & “extra points toward quizzes.” Depending on how the latter is distributed, I may be staring down the barrel of a freaking PERFECT 4.0 my first semester back to college in 15+ yrs.

If it goes the other way, I can live with 3 A+’s & 1 A-. I guess.


I feel like I’m sitting at a slot machine, waiting for the final column to stop spinning.

Yes, I am unabashedly bragging. My life's been on PAUSE in some respects for far too long. It feels fucking great to do well.

Besides... I'm a moderator gone mad with power... I'll brag all I want!!

I DID IT!

4.0!!!

and that's even WITHOUT the extra credit points on quizzes. I'm a 94 in the class I was wondering about yesterday; extra cred will put me at 95, but it's an A either way!

 

[The Cat]

Like an old soldier still following my last orders to hold ground for a war long over. -_-

​

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

Weirdly energized. I hope it lasts.

 

[The Cat]

Like a proud papa.

 

[Mind Maverick]

A few people here were super nice to me in the past, so I just wanted to post some life updates to let those people know I'm doing well.

I've escaped my depression finally. It was a gradual thing, but...no more meds, happy, and emotionally stable, without meds. Better than ever. I was misdiagnosed previously, it was just a lifetime of one traumatic experience to the next. I'm thankful for it all now and I relate more to PTG. I feel driven and have a deep sense of purpose, meaning, and a fuck ton of grit...all of which is partly because of my experiences. I embrace life's hardships and I don't struggle with existential issues anymore. I genuinely just love being alive. There's so much I want to see, experience, and accomplish. I've even gotten into extreme sports. I also became extraverted once the depression lifted, which was a weird plot twist I never anticipated. Overcame childhood core wounds, also. Sensitivities are just human, but I'm talking about trauma related issues such as the fears of abandonment I used to talk about here.

I went pescatarian and discovered I also have some food sensitivities. Apparently, gluten, dairy, dyes, and some others, were part of my former health issues.

Docs couldn't pinpoint a cause for the cardiac and blood pressure problems, so I figured it was probably psychological health problems. I was right, because working through psychological problems and also exercising enabled me to come off all of those meds. My PCP was happy about that, said it was encouraging to him.

I left the Greek guy I was with and it was one ofthe best decisions I ever made. I won't go into details, but it was a very healthy decision and I learned a lot about self-value when I did it.

Btw, I'm not trans, and refusing to make any permanent changes until I was mentally healthy was one of the best choices I ever made.

I've been focusing on offline interactions. I still have problems with being misunderstood online, particularly with the disparities between how people interpret motives with VS without nonverbals. A few friends I met online that are more familiar with my nonverbals have recently been helping by offering some insights from an outside perspective. I guess I just don't have a great personality for text based communication because I come across as more intense than I am--and I do have that fiery side, but really I'm just very opinionated, blunt, outspoken, direct, straightforward, but also say things very calmly--and I don't see a way around it unless I'm fake as fuck online, so I'd rather just stick to communication that consists of nonverbals. Those who access my nonverbals see all of this stuff and know exactly what I mean...I'm sort of a walking contradiction and I'm a complex/dynamic person, so it's not easy for others to understand me. It's like trying to lock on to a very complex target that's nonstop moving very rapidly, so I oftentimes feel like my relationships are through one-way glass. That, and a lot of other remaining problems, stem from the ever so stigmatized "giftedness," also. The fact that I'm simultaneously gritty as fuck only further exacerbates those common giftedness social isolation problems. I've been working with a professional through gifted social issues recently. So, yeah...it's difficult enough for me to be understood even with nonverbals present, I can't expect others to understand without them.

I haven't resolved everything, and I'm grateful that it's impossible to do so in life...life without growth and new challenges would be boring, depressing, and mundane.

Although I've left social media behind to accommodate my personal needs and to limit my distractions (ADHD+internet = not a good combination), I just wanted to return to say thank you...those who were so kind to me in the past. Those who helped when I was in need, and those who wanted to but couldn't.

I'm also sorry to those I negatively affected by being unhealthy as hell back then.

 

[Mind Maverick]

Now to get this goddamn sleep schedule on track -.-

Getting old is hard. Circadian rhythm gets way more stubborn with age. I no longer work overnight shifts so I'm trying to become human again change to a normal schedule. In my 20's changing it around was nothing, man.

"I'mma change my schedule for the health benefits and positive impacts on ADHD."
The benefits: being sleep deprived bc I can't fucking sleep at the new time. -.- Lol

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

A few people here were super nice to me in the past, so I just wanted to post some life updates to let those people know I'm doing well.

I've escaped my depression finally. It was a gradual thing, but...no more meds, happy, and emotionally stable, without meds. Better than ever. I was misdiagnosed previously, it was just a lifetime of one traumatic experience to the next. I'm thankful for it all now and I relate more to PTG. I feel driven and have a deep sense of purpose, meaning, and a fuck ton of grit...all of which is partly because of my experiences. I embrace life's hardships and I don't struggle with existential issues anymore. I genuinely just love being alive. There's so much I want to see, experience, and accomplish. I've even gotten into extreme sports. I also became extraverted once the depression lifted, which was a weird plot twist I never anticipated. Overcame childhood core wounds, also. Sensitivities are just human, but I'm talking about trauma related issues such as the fears of abandonment I used to talk about here.

I went pescatarian and discovered I also have some food sensitivities. Apparently, gluten, dairy, dyes, and some others, were part of my former health issues.

Docs couldn't pinpoint a cause for the cardiac and blood pressure problems, so I figured it was probably psychological health problems. I was right, because working through psychological problems and also exercising enabled me to come off all of those meds. My PCP was happy about that, said it was encouraging to him.

I left the Greek guy I was with and it was one ofthe best decisions I ever made. I won't go into details, but it was a very healthy decision and I learned a lot about self-value when I did it.

Btw, I'm not trans, and refusing to make any permanent changes until I was mentally healthy was one of the best choices I ever made.

I've been focusing on offline interactions. I still have problems with being misunderstood online, particularly with the disparities between how people interpret motives with VS without nonverbals. A few friends I met online that are more familiar with my nonverbals have recently been helping by offering some insights from an outside perspective. I guess I just don't have a great personality for text based communication because I come across as more intense than I am--and I do have that fiery side, but really I'm just very opinionated, blunt, outspoken, direct, straightforward, but also say things very calmly--and I don't see a way around it unless I'm fake as fuck online, so I'd rather just stick to communication that consists of nonverbals. Those who access my nonverbals see all of this stuff and know exactly what I mean...I'm sort of a walking contradiction and I'm a complex/dynamic person, so it's not easy for others to understand me. It's like trying to lock on to a very complex target that's nonstop moving very rapidly, so I oftentimes feel like my relationships are through one-way glass. That, and a lot of other remaining problems, stem from the ever so stigmatized "giftedness," also. The fact that I'm simultaneously gritty as fuck only further exacerbates those common giftedness social isolation problems. I've been working with a professional through gifted social issues recently. So, yeah...it's difficult enough for me to be understood even with nonverbals present, I can't expect others to understand without them.

I haven't resolved everything, and I'm grateful that it's impossible to do so in life...life without growth and new challenges would be boring, depressing, and mundane.

Although I've left social media behind to accommodate my personal needs and to limit my distractions (ADHD+internet = not a good combination), I just wanted to return to say thank you...those who were so kind to me in the past. Those who helped when I was in need, and those who wanted to but couldn't.

What other screen names have you had? Did you live in Florida?

My advice to you is to watch out for those mood disorders. I went off my antidepressants for a few periods in my twenties and I regret it. It impacted my life in a negative way. But, you're not me, so don't get bothered if you think that's not the case.

 

[Mind Maverick]

What other screen names have you had? Did you live in Florida?

My advice to you is to watch out for those mood disorders. I went off my antidepressants for a few periods in my twenties and I regret it. It impacted my life in a negative way. But, you're not me, so don't get bothered if you think that's not the case.

You probably remember me as Hexcoder.

Nah, no mood disorders. I went off meds with professionals involved.

I think fast, can get kind of rambly (esp when experiencing some social interaction deprivation), and usually have a lot of thoughts all tangled up in a chaotic ADHD brain, but hopefully that doesn't come across here as overexplaining or being intense the way it normally does through text.

Going to offer some reassurance to those who care and might otherwise feel concerned about me.

I stopped needing medications very gradually; so gradually that I didn't notice until the signs I no longer needed the medications were relatively more extreme. It took accidentally missing a dose or two for me to even realize the meds were only making me a numb zombie and had actually started making me feel worse than I felt without meds, not better.

A long time ago, one psychiatrist was rather (gently, using therapist language) insistent that I was probably misdiagnosed with bipolar. My medications were not causing symptoms of mania and she believed if I had bipolar, the meds I was on would've been. She was also the first psychiatrist that had ever actually taken enough time to listen to my life's story (even if it was only a summarized fraction), and she basically explained how CPTSD could mimic the things I was misdiagnosed with. (Again, though, I no longer am experiencing CPTSD shit, I'm to the point of PTG now.)

Several months later, the psychologist I was seeing while I was actually coming off of the medications informed me that what I was experiencing was a sign the medication I used to depend on to stay out of the hospital had gradually become an excessive dosage for me. She also informed me that some people, especially with CPTSD, need meds temporarily, but after a few years of recovering no longer do.

I've been extremely emotionally stable without meds for nearly a year now, so I'm not concerned and neither is the professional I still am continuing to see on a frequent basis for other things. (ADHD symptom management and common gifted intelligence issues, currently...the struggles of being 2e, common shit you could literally just research on your own if you wanted to know what I'm talking about because it's textbook/cliche...not getting into it here because it's too stigmatized and usually is only misinterpreted as ego/arrogance). I do wish I had a place to talk about it where it would be correctly understood (outside of the therapist's office), but this is not the right time, nor environment, to try that. I will add, however, that...if you look it up, you will realize certain misdiagnoses are also just extremely common amongst gifted individuals.

So, this wasn't just, "I don't like medications, I'm gonna try to be okay without them and prove these psychiatrists wrong" or whatever. I made a thoughtful decision that professionals were in agreeance with me about. I still see a therapist once a week or more, mostly for ADHD and "gifted issues" therapy, so anything mood related would've also been noticed by a professional. I've got a professional outside-in perspective safeguarding against lack of self-awareness about it, in other words...not that I think I need it, and that's not why I'm going still, but it's still there from me doing other forms of therapy. Me, personally, I'm comfortable knowing this, so I'm only saying this as reassurance for others who may feel concerned about this aspect of my life update post.

As it turns out, some of the mania shit I was misdiagnosed with bipolar for was merely me having an extremely gritty and resilient baseline. So, my willpower, drive, resilience, intensity, craving challenges, etc., was conflated with hypomania in a case of so-called professionals doing 5-minute-drive-by-misdiagnoses. (There was some emotional dysregulation in that mix back then, though, so that was also throwing things off.) Once I saw a psych or two that took their time to get to know me, that shit was sorted out and bipolar eliminated. Saw a few other professionals later (looking for one that would be more helpful/challenge me more than the ones I kept finding were able to do), they all kept saying the same thing, that they thought I had been misdiagnosed. The one I currently see was the one that was like "nah you're just one of the grittiest people Ive ever met...you have a very rare amount of resilience/grit." She constantly comments on it during our sessions, because I guess my responses/reactions leave her going "wtf" lol. Once told me "Your resilience amazes me. You're handling this even better than I would myself, I don't know how you're even handling it as well as you are." That was a long time ago, I'm not going through that kind of shit anymore, but...a therapist saying I handled shit better than she would have? Yeah, I take that as a high compliment.

So yeah, TL;DR - this is not a "fuck meds even though I need them" scenario.

 

[The Cat]

You probably remember me as Hexcoder.

Nah, no mood disorders. I went off meds with professionals involved.

I think fast, can get kind of rambly (esp when experiencing some social interaction deprivation), and usually have a lot of thoughts all tangled up in a chaotic ADHD brain, but hopefully that doesn't come across here as overexplaining or being intense the way it normally does through text.

Going to offer some reassurance to those who care and might otherwise feel concerned about me.

I stopped needing medications very gradually; so gradually that I didn't notice until the signs I no longer needed the medications were relatively more extreme. It took accidentally missing a dose or two for me to even realize the meds were only making me a numb zombie and had actually started making me feel worse than I felt without meds, not better.

A long time ago, one psychiatrist was rather (gently, using therapist language) insistent that I was probably misdiagnosed with bipolar. My medications were not causing symptoms of mania and she believed if I had bipolar, the meds I was on would've been. She was also the first psychiatrist that had ever actually taken enough time to listen to my life's story (even if it was only a summarized fraction), and she basically explained how CPTSD could mimic the things I was misdiagnosed with. (Again, though, I no longer am experiencing CPTSD shit, I'm to the point of PTG now.)

Several months later, the psychologist I was seeing while I was actually coming off of the medications informed me that what I was experiencing was a sign the medication I used to depend on to stay out of the hospital had gradually become an excessive dosage for me. She also informed me that some people, especially with CPTSD, need meds temporarily, but after a few years of recovering no longer do.

I've been extremely emotionally stable without meds for nearly a year now, so I'm not concerned and neither is the professional I still am continuing to see on a frequent basis for other things. (ADHD symptom management and common gifted intelligence issues, currently...the struggles of being 2e, common shit you could literally just research on your own if you wanted to know what I'm talking about because it's textbook/cliche...not getting into it here because it's too stigmatized and usually is only misinterpreted as ego/arrogance). I do wish I had a place to talk about it where it would be correctly understood (outside of the therapist's office), but this is not the right time, nor environment, to try that. I will add, however, that...if you look it up, you will realize certain misdiagnoses are also just extremely common amongst gifted individuals.

So, this wasn't just, "I don't like medications, I'm gonna try to be okay without them and prove these psychiatrists wrong" or whatever. I made a thoughtful decision that professionals were in agreeance with me about. I still see a therapist once a week or more, mostly for ADHD and "gifted issues" therapy, so anything mood related would've also been noticed by a professional. I've got a professional outside-in perspective safeguarding against lack of self-awareness about it, in other words...not that I think I need it, and that's not why I'm going still, but it's still there from me doing other forms of therapy. Me, personally, I'm comfortable knowing this, so I'm only saying this as reassurance for others who may feel concerned about this aspect of my life update post.

As it turns out, some of the mania shit I was misdiagnosed with bipolar for was merely me having an extremely gritty and resilient baseline. So, my willpower, drive, resilience, intensity, craving challenges, etc., was conflated with hypomania in a case of so-called professionals doing 5-minute-drive-by-misdiagnoses. (There was some emotional dysregulation in that mix back then, though, so that was also throwing things off.) Once I saw a psych or two that took their time to get to know me, that shit was sorted out and bipolar eliminated. Saw a few other professionals later (looking for one that would be more helpful/challenge me more than the ones I kept finding were able to do), they all kept saying the same thing, that they thought I had been misdiagnosed. The one I currently see was the one that was like "nah you're just one of the grittiest people Ive ever met...you have a very rare amount of resilience/grit." She constantly comments on it during our sessions, because I guess my responses/reactions leave her going "wtf" lol. Once told me "Your resilience amazes me. You're handling this even better than I would myself, I don't know how you're even handling it as well as you are." That was a long time ago, I'm not going through that kind of shit anymore, but...a therapist saying I handled shit better than she would have? Yeah, I take that as a high compliment.

So yeah, TL;DR - this is not a "fuck meds even though I need them" scenario.

How did you break the pattern in a way that was conducive to the pattern remaining unbroken? regarding internet & adhd asking for my friends in head spaces. Please and thank you.

 

[Mind Maverick]

What other screen names have you had? Did you live in Florida?

My advice to you is to watch out for those mood disorders. I went off my antidepressants for a few periods in my twenties and I regret it. It impacted my life in a negative way. But, you're not me, so don't get bothered if you think that's not the case.

OH...btw...as for getting off meds, if that's something you want to actually do in a way that won't impact your life negatively...100% recommend getting into neuroplasticity/mental rewiring. You can research it and work with a professional who knows enough about it to be supportive of your efforts to go the mental rewiring route instead of putting you on meds and then being done with you just because that's easier than getting more intimately involved in your needs and is also more profitable monetarily. I'm a firm believer that many people can come off of meds how they want to, they just can't do that common thing of "I hate meds and I think I'm OK since the meds are making me feel better currently, so lemme just quit them and expect to still be OK without them because I'm caught up in some imposter syndrome struggles that are causing me to forget that I wasn't OK without them before." (Not saying this was you specifically, just using a common reason as one possible example of why people try coming off meds even though they're not actually ready/equipped to sustain that decision...and also not criticizing those who do this, thus the phrasing of "they're struggling with" etc.) It can be done by SOME people (depends on the nature of the disorders and other variables), and science/many case examples prove that. It's only a matter of approaching it correctly and coming off of them in safe/healthy ways, and for 99.99999% of people (unless you're just some genius unicorn like John Nash, in other words) I highly recommend staying in close contact with professionals during that process. So, don't succumb to hopelessness if you do desire to someday not need meds.

 

[Mind Maverick]

How did you break the pattern in a way that was conducive to the pattern remaining unbroken? regarding internet & adhd asking for my friends in head spaces. Please and thank you.

This would be an extremely fun subject for me to get into, but...also extremely complex and would require a massive information dump the size of an entire fucking novel or several books in order to truly break things down in ways that could be digested and followed. Covering methods, strategies, fundamental baseline skills that enable you to take those steps, etc. It's a process that is a lot like climbing stairs, but...less linear/sequential, more like building pyramids that are made up of building blocks. Starting with fundamentals, adding more on top of those, then more on those, etc.

I'm also not confident in my communication skills in this particular subject, especially through text, and you'd kind of have to know me just to avoid misunderstanding things I'd explain. In the past, covering some things to strangers or others who didn't understand me, they thought I was lying, etc. Professionals are honestly the only ones who understand the angles I'm coming from, and that's ONLY because they have the background scientific knowledge that aligns with what I'm saying, and because some of my strategies actually align with known strategies that are used by psychs within the field (and I only found that out because I'd share my own approaches with them, then they'd inform me that was an existing concept/method/strategy within the psych field, tell me what it's called, and explain even more about it.) So, in order for me to effectively communicate these things...I'd honestly need to find ways to do so while being entirely impersonal, and probably not sharing my own personal experience based examples whatsoever unless I had some titles or other more "official" credibility (serving as ethos to others) for those aspects that I would share. The other reason I'm not confident in my communication is because, throughout the years, I've learned that I'm such a goddamn powerhouse that if I'm not cautious I can actually be discouraging to others rather than inspiring them or building them up the way I'm trying to do (especially when my nonverbals aren't accessible to others, and theirs aren't accessible to me so that I can better gauge where my stopping points should be, how much info I should give in that particular moment, or when to stop because it's overwhelming them, etc).

Nonetheless...if you ask about something specific, since that would narrow down what needs to be said...perhaps offering some tips might be feasible over voice chat (perhaps on Discord?) where nonverbals will help to avoid misunderstandings in communication. I feel for people who have experienced what I have, I'm always rooting for the underdogs who are self-motivated to strive and overcome, and I find the subject mentally engaging, stimulating, intriguing, exhilarating, and I LOVE diving into the analytical aspects underlying this subject. I will warn in advance, though, I'm awkward as fuck about any emotional consolation, which is part of why I went the entrepreneur route instead of the counselor route. But I'm not talking about offering therapy anyway, it's just that covering the strategies/etc. can sometimes be triggering to people. My communication style is more logical, analytical, practical, and solutions-oriented, which is not for everyone (some value it, some don't)...especially when the subject is psychology, which is often emotionally touchy...and, of course, what worked for me won't even work for everyone.

In other words, I'm not a professional, so I can only speak from personal experience, which means my ability to share has natural limitations.

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

OH...btw...as for getting off meds, if that's something you want to actually do in a way that won't impact your life negatively...100% recommend getting into neuroplasticity/mental rewiring. You can research it and work with a professional who knows enough about it to be supportive of your efforts to go the mental rewiring route instead of putting you on meds and then being done with you just because that's easier than getting more intimately involved in your needs and is also more profitable monetarily. I'm a firm believer that many people can come off of meds how they want to, they just can't do that common thing of "I hate meds and I think I'm OK since the meds are making me feel better currently, so lemme just quit them and expect to still be OK without them because I'm caught up in some imposter syndrome struggles that are causing me to forget that I wasn't OK without them before." (Not saying this was you specifically, just using a common reason as one possible example of why people try coming off meds even though they're not actually ready/equipped to sustain that decision...and also not criticizing those who do this, thus the phrasing of "they're struggling with" etc.) It can be done by SOME people (depends on the nature of the disorders and other variables), and science/many case examples prove that. It's only a matter of approaching it correctly and coming off of them in safe/healthy ways, and for 99.99999% of people (unless you're just some genius unicorn like John Nash, in other words) I highly recommend staying in close contact with professionals during that process. So, don't succumb to hopelessness if you do desire to someday not need meds.

I thought you were HexCoder, I couldn't remember your name; I thought you were an interesting person. I am extremely reluctant to go off of them under any circumstances, but I appreciate you offering alternatives. I think my current psychiatrist would need to say, yes, that sounds like a great idea for me to go along with it.

To offer you one thing that's shaping my perspective, my dad has been royally screwed over when he changed doctors (I always thought the previous doctor was helping him, so I was perturbed when he announced this to me back in April or May). The new doctor took him off of all his medications; a regimen that had been developed for years, and started trying him on different prescriptions. It was around this time the paranoid ideations started. It's difficult for me to fully articulate the nature of his paranoid ideations to someone else, but to derive a common thread, they all center around him doing something bad and getting caught. This was a recurring theme daily over the summer and early autumn. At the end of September, he had a suicide attempt and was admitted to the hospital. The hospital transferred him and put him in a wheelchair, citing (potentially valid, given his refusal to leave the apartment or even the couch most of the time) concerns about falls. Then they put him in a nursing home, where he developed bedsores. He has been readmitted to a hospital. He is now completely bed-bound. The psych units won't take him because of the bed sores. The long-term care facilities are not taking him because of his psychiatric issues. It's impossible to talk to him about any subject other than what he's obsessing about. This is if he will talk at all; the last time I saw him, he as convinced the hospital room was bugged.

It is unclear what happens at this point.

The short version: My dad saw a "psychiatrist" who tried to reduce his medication, and because of that, he may spend his remaining years in a nursing home, constantly in terror of scenarios where, for instance, the cops are going to arrest him as punishment for a non-existent crime. I don't like medication, either, but perhaps it is the lesser of two evils for some people.

(Throughout all this, it's clear to me that the U.S. healthcare system does not care about healing patients. I think many doctors and nurses do, but not the institutions as a whole. There is also extreme burnout from COVID to consider in all of this.)

 

[Mind Maverick]

x
deleted a bunch of shit I'm uncomfortable exposing openly because the wrong people might use the psychological techniques in the wrong ways

 

[Mind Maverick]

I thought you were HexCoder, I couldn't remember your name; I thought you were an interesting person. I am extremely reluctant to go off of them under any circumstances, but I appreciate you offering alternatives. I think my current psychiatrist would need to say, yes, that sounds like a great idea for me to go along with it.

To offer you one thing that's shaping my perspective, my dad has been royally screwed over when he changed doctors (I always thought the previous doctor was helping him, so I was perturbed when he announced this to me back in April or May). The new doctor took him off of all his medications; a regimen that had been developed for years, and started trying him on different prescriptions. It was around this time the paranoid ideations started. It's difficult for me to fully articulate the nature of his paranoid ideations to someone else, but to derive a common thread, they all center around him doing something bad and getting caught. This was a recurring theme daily over the summer and early autumn. At the end of September, he had a suicide attempt and was admitted to the hospital. The hospital transferred him and put him in a wheelchair, citing (potentially valid, given his refusal to leave the apartment or even the couch most of the time) concerns about falls. Then they put him in a nursing home, where he developed bedsores. He has been readmitted to a hospital. He is now completely bed-bound. The psych units won't take him because of the bed sores. The long-term care facilities are not taking him because of his psychiatric issues. It's impossible to talk to him about any subject other than what he's obsessing about. This is if he will talk at all; the last time I saw him, he as convinced the hospital room was bugged.

It is unclear what happens at this point.

The short version: My dad saw a "psychiatrist" who tried to reduce his medication, and because of that, he may spend his remaining years in a nursing home, constantly in terror of scenarios where, for instance, the cops are going to arrest him as punishment for a non-existent crime. I don't like medication, either, but perhaps it is the lesser of two evils for some people.

(Throughout all this, it's clear to me that the U.S. healthcare system does not care about healing patients. I think many doctors and nurses do, but not the institutions as a whole. There is also extreme burnout from COVID to consider in all of this.)

That's the only way I advise going off of them, it's what I was referring to. I would never tell others "yeah, just stop taking your meds, don't worry about it" LOL.

Jeez. I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. That's fucking horrible.

It definitely is the lesser of two evils for some people, but it's also still not necessary for others. Some also might only need meds temporarily. I'd probably be dead right now if I didn't take meds for a while, but...now they're not necessary. I also don't think that's necessarily for everyone...some 86 year old patient with neurological damage from some car accident and schizophrenia wouldn't ever be able to do some advanced therapy, much less neuroplasticity, that allows them to come off meds. It's important to be realistic. Yet, on the opposite extreme of the spectrum, shoving medications down the throats of everyone who shows even the slightest few symptoms of depression just because their car was totaled or something, is also not a solution. (The fact that some psychiatrists actually do that is downright stupid, careless, and lazy...like what in the hell?)

Some disorders are also treatable without medications, and others require medications. So, while your dad's story is significant and I'm not undermining the importance of medications, it's also important to recognize not everyone's outcomes will be the same. There are many cases in which coming off of themis the best choice--under the supervision of actually competent professionals, not irresponsible ones like your dad's. (Wtf psych removes all meds and then tries to replace them all at once that way? That's so dangerous, reckless, and irresponsible.)

Yeah, 100% agree about U.S. healthcare...and you really do have to be careful about who you're seeing.

 

[SD45T-2]

Wrung out and pissed off. I wish I'd never gotten out of bed today.

 

[Lexicon]

 

[Lexicon]

That's it. Universe just doesnt want me to sleep with the window open.

Damned condo landscaper.